Reminiscing About My Work Past…
I caught a documentary the other day about the rise and fall of Enron. Once upon a time I was an Accountant for a large company in the construction chemical business. Although the company was not publicly sold, its parent companys (we were bought and sold several times) although not American, were. We had a budget. The executive bonuses were tied into that budget. Those in charge of Accounting made damn sure we made budget, always. No matter what.
I had a variety of responsibilities, one of which was running the company’s Relocation Program. I would move current and new employees and their households around the globe as needed. This was back in the 90′s. I had an annual budget of $1,000,000 USD. I was responsible for calculating the budget needed and I was ALWAYS on the money. The average relocation ran $50,000 USD and we always had several dozen relocations in various stages of completion and funding. Left alone, the operation would have run like a perfect machine. But when sales fell short, and profits, (and therefore executive bonuses), were to suffer, Accrued Liabilities were raided, including my Relocation Operation.
Inevitably, one of the Directors, usually Vince W., would come calling at month end close, asking if the $80,000 + accrual for Relocation Expenses was truly needed. I would state my argument to the affirmative and provide solid documentation to back it up. Despite the obvious, half my much-needed accrual would be hijacked. Then, at year-end, true to my calculations, we would be running a deficit in the account and need to book a large amount to shore it up. This would set off a panic with the higher-ups who, I suppose, thought one could traverse the planet with dozens of people and their belongings for mere pennies. Cries for thorough documentation of expenditures in the account would fill the halls! Having experienced the same thing year after year, I had a special folder with copies of all the necessary back up ready for them. I would hand over the folder, and, as with the previous years, nothing. I wouldn’t hear another word about it until the following December. Why? Because I was right. I was ALWAYS right, because I knew my job, was competent at my profession, was disciplined, focused, paid close attention to details and knew what needed to be done to get the job done correctly the FIRST time, every time. Period.
Lowering Accrued Liabilities was a favorite way to increase the bottom line. Fabrication and manipulation of account amounts was rampant. Every month end close, (the executives having long since gone home), the directors and their minions would huddle in a conference room at 10:00 at night, (most companies complete month-end close in two weeks, we were given two DAYS) plotting to ensure their covert number changing was both effective and undetectable. The rest of us would gather, waiting patiently (abet, with lots of head shaking) for the forgery to be completed. Then, we would book the B.S. entries and be home by Midnight. At one point a new guy took over as head of the Accounting Department. He refused to play ball with the number manipulating. He didn’t last long.
I worked with a lot of good honest people. I also worked with a lot of crooked and inept scoundrels. John G., Brian K., Tim W., Dave D., (who, although supposedly buddy-buddy with the other Directors, found out his real status when he developed cancer and the others tried to have him ousted to save on medical premiums), Don K., Pam W., Michele C. and Jenssa S., (who was an outside auditor for, now defunct, Arthur Anderson, and with whom, despite her being engaged, I had an affair with). My direct Supervisor, Laura, was, although bi-polar, decent. The problem I had with her was the problem most people had with almost all the Accounting heads. When the executives left to go home they had to pass through Accounting. The heads of Accounting made sure, night after night, that the department was there so when the execs left they would see the Accounting Heads dedicated staff working late (for free since we were salary) once again! What a joke.
But that is all behind me now, and I am much happier for it. In the summer of 2002 I made the decision to separate not only from the company, but from the Accounting profession as well. My departure was met with surprise and dismay. I was a valued and respected member of the department and would truly be missed. My going away party was large and memorable. I still have the over-sized card with dozens of signatures on it. With in a few years, the company would be sold once again. This time though, the company would see its departments merged and shuffled. The Accounting Department would be moved to New Jersey. Dave D., apparently having survived until now, his cancer, would be relegated to a token position in the Credit Department which was not moved. Guess he was forced to take what he could get. A fitting end to his career. I have to imagine his cocky ego has been chopped down a few notches. Too bad Dave…
I on the other hand, left the stressful world of corporate America and found solace in a Monday through Friday 7:00 am to 3:30 pm Blue-Collar job. It is union, so the pay is excellent (some of the guys hit well beyond 6 figures with overtime), the benefits great (including annual bonuses and a pension!), and the stress non-existant. The company is doing extremely well and has made a 25 year, $2.5 billion USD commitment to upgrades to its infrastructure. This should fairly guarantee me a job for life. I still work in an office environment, going from shop to shop with my company lap-top, assisting and filling in for office employees who are absent or need a little help catching up. It’s comforting going home after work and not having to worry about what insanity tomorrow will bring. Finally, I’ve found a job where the end of the day, means the end of the day…
